How I’d Fix Magic Kingdom
Magic Kingdom is about to undergo major construction, but it needs to not forget what made this park great in the first place.
I love Magic Kingdom to death. When I’m at Magic Kingdom, I feel like I’m home, and some of my favorite moments at the park have been just walking around at night, enjoying the park, or sitting at Casey Jr.’s with a hot dog, listening to the music, and admiring the castle. As I get to my final Disney World park in this series, I find that there’s less here that I want to change than in the other parks. Maybe that’s because Magic Kingdom is currently in the beginning of several massive construction projects and refurbishments that will completely change the layout of this park forever, but that leaves me already nostalgic for what the park was like. I’m optimistic about the changes, but it also leaves me wanting less to change here.
What Does Magic Kingdom Need To Do?
While I do want to introduce several new things, which I’ll discuss later, I also believe the spirit of Magic Kingdom needs to remain intact, and I worry about this with all the new projects. They’ve been making smaller changes over the years (Splash Mountain changing to Tiana’s Bayou Adventure, the update of Country Bears, etc.) that I think have been mostly good, but in the next decade, Magic Kingdom’s map is going to look entirely different. After 54 years, Magic Kingdom is about to get its biggest expansion, which I believe is a positive, but I worry it could also be a negative.
For my update of Magic Kingdom, I want to do the following:
Update certain lands that could use a little TLC after all these years.
Highlight the great rides and make them even more of an experience.
Ensure that the next decade of Disney World doesn’t undercut what this park does so well.
OK, let’s get into improving Magic Kingdom.
Adventureland: Give Me Something I Can’t Miss
Since Magic Kingdom is much more segmented than the other parks we’ve discussed so far, I’m going to take apart MK by its lands. And since I always start at the left of Magic Kingdom and move my way clockwise through, we’re going to get into Adventureland first.
In my opinion, there are a lot of elements to Adventureland that are good, not great. In the great category, I’d put Pirates of the Caribbean and Beak and Barrel, and this is one of the best areas for food, with the Spring Roll Snack Cart, multiple ways to get Dole Whip, and one of the best table service restaurants in Magic Kingdom in the Skipper Canteen. But most of the time when I’m moving through Adventureland, my goal is to get to Pirates of the Caribbean as quickly as possible, and that means I’m basically flying through the rest of this land.
Jungle Cruise is fine, but with the often ridiculous wait, if I miss it, it’s not a big deal for me anymore. Enchanted Tiki Room, I think I’ve maybe only done once over the years? I don’t dislike The Magic Carpets of Aladdin, but I don’t think the park needs another Dumbo clone, and it does take up plenty of space. Swiss Family Treehouse, however, you can burn in hell. I came to a park for rides, not to do cardiovascular exercise. Cool, this fake family had an organ in a tree, but it would’ve been great if they had an elevator too.
To me, Adventureland is less about adventure and more about the delightfully quaint parts of Magic Kingdom's past. Tiki Room and Jungle Cruise, especially, all feel like things people love primarily because of their history with the parks. And I’m not saying we should get rid of them by any means, but I would love it if we could have the adventure back in Adventureland. Maybe a Jungle Book dark ride, a more substantial Aladdin ride, and maybe try and integrate S.E.A. into this part of the park more. And as much as I do enjoy the Jungle Cruise, I’d be fine with the park getting rid of it to make these things happen, as long as it’s still standing at Disneyland, that is. That’s the one that needs to be preserved, not this copy. I just want Adventureland to be more exciting than a land I go to for treats and Pirates of the Caribbean.
Frontierland: Keep Piston Peak and Frontierland as Separate as Possible
Over the last few years, it really seems like Disney has been trying to keep Frontierland as relevant as it can. They’ve updated the Country Bear Musical Jamboree, got rid of Splash Mountain, and are currently refurbishing Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. They’ve also drained the Rivers of America and are getting rid of Tom Sawyer Island. Which, look, I get. In getting rid of these two things, you get a lot of real estate for the park. And I am glad that instead of just demolishing Country Bears or Splash Mountain, they updated them in clever ways to keep them in the park. But I also don’t want this segment of the park to be completely overshadowed once Piston Peak opens over here, and I think their recent refurbishment of this area speaks to similar concerns.
I think the improvements of this area have been, by and large, successful, but I’d like there to be some separation of these two lands. Ideally, I think about how beautifully at Disneyland, Galaxy’s Edge is nestled away in Frontierland, although I know that won’t be possible here. But some of my favorite memories of Magic Kingdom are walking through Frontierland after the park is closed, and just relishing in how peaceful and quiet the park is when the crowds are relatively low. I want to keep some of that stillness to this area, so I guess what I’m saying is I don’t want to hear Lightning McQueen screaming “KACHOW” or Larry the Cable Guy jokes while I’m enjoying a stroll through Frontierland. I know this is likely going to be impossible, but I want them to find a way.
And while we’ve seen some early artwork of what Piston Peak will look like, it seems that some of the Rivers of America will stay in place. I want there to be some water feature in the Frontierland/Liberty Square area, and it certainly doesn’t have to be as massive as the Rivers of America were. But it is a nice addition that brings the park to life, and I hope it doesn’t fully go away once Piston Peak is completed.
Liberty Square: Less Presidents, More Haunted Mansion
First things first, we are getting rid of the Hall of Presidents ASAP. Weirdly, I tend to like the Hall of Presidents, and it has its charms, but as the country grows more divided, every time I go into that show, I cringe waiting for the story to introduce the newer presidents, afraid that either the left or the right side is going to make a full-on ass of themselves cheering or booing a wax figure. Not to mention that the attraction has to close with every new president so they can shoehorn them in. Now I have no problem with a 22-minute, air-conditioned celebration of American history being right here, but make it more exciting, more lively, and with less potential to start an extremist fight!
There have been rumors for years that The Muppets would take over this space, particularly after they did The Muppets Present… Great Moments in American History in the Liberty Square area, which people seemed to love. A Muppet-themed historical revue would unite both sides and save our country! Our nation will heal thanks to Sam the Eagle! Just please, don’t make me have to watch a group of old men who look like they’re melting nod silently to their names. The air-conditioning isn’t worth it.
But, of course, the real star of Liberty Square is the Haunted Mansion, my favorite ride in all of Disney World. Haunted Mansion is only becoming more and more popular, and I want the ride to take a hint from Beak and Barrel, as well as the lounges on the Disney cruise ships, and give us a Haunted Mansion lounge and restaurant. This is such a great way to expand the footprint of the ride, and I already love that you can go to a Jungle Cruise or Pirates of the Caribbean-themed lounge in Magic Kingdom, so why not for the Haunted Mansion as well? With Villains Land apparently being right next to Haunted Mansion, that would be a perfect opportunity to add this restaurant, and if anything, Epic Universe has proven that people want spooky areas in their parks. Haunted Mansion is so great, it deserves more than a cool queue and a gift shop. Let me drink with the hitchhiking ghosts and have dinner while spirits ballroom dance above me.
Fantasyland: Take a Hint From Disneyland and Cram This Sucker Full of Rides
One of my favorite things about going to Disneyland for the first time was discovering just how dense their Fantasyland is. That section of the park is jam-packed with things to do, and I love how many dark rides they’ve fit into a relatively small area. By comparison, Magic Kingdom seems so empty, to the point that I felt almost disappointed by this area after seeing Disneyland’s version.
Granted, I know there’s not a lot of free space on that main drag of Fantasyland with it’s a small world and Peter Pan’s Flight, and this is where I get into my other major issue with Fantasyland: the expansion sucks. There’s plenty of room for other things, and it’s wild how much of this area is taken up by story times with different Disney princesses or disappointing themed food experiences. I’d love to see more rides thrown into the expansion area, even if it’s just some quaint dark rides that simply tell the story of an animated film from decades ago. We need more of that, and if Peter Pan’s Flight proves anything, it’s that audiences are also fine with rides just being that too.
Speaking of the Fantasyland expansion area, I find the circus area to be mostly a waste of space. I get that this is primarily a play area for kids, but there’s got to be a better way to make use of this area, other than a giant candy store and an area for kids to get drenched. We can do better with how much space this area is taking up!
But maybe my biggest complaint about the expansions that are currently happening at Magic Kingdom is that I don’t want the Villains Land to be near Frontierland: I think it absolutely needs to be in Fantasyland. It makes far more sense to me that Fantasyland would lead into a Villains Land, maybe sneaking it behind where the Tangled bathrooms are. One of my biggest issues with these expansions is that I still want them to fit within the segments of Magic Kingdom that currently exist, and if rumors are to be believed, Villains Land won’t do that. If you could transition from Fantasyland into the darker side with the Disney villains, I think that would be a much more natural progression than just plopping it down in an area that has a bunch of space.
Tomorrowland: Make the Future Feel Futuristic Again
Get this shit out of here!
It feels like at every Disney park, Tomorrowland is always the area that Disney has the hardest time trying to figure out. In creating a futuristic land, it more often than not comes off as dated and silly in its approach to what the future could hold. More than any other area, Tomorrowland is the area I would want to do a complete overhaul of, so let’s get right to it.
Want to make Tomorrowland look futuristic and cool? Take a look over at Tron Lightcycle Run. Just add a bunch of neon everywhere, and I truly think that would be a low-budget way to fix Tomorrowland’s thematic issues. Tron as a movie series has not taken off the way Disney hoped, but that doesn’t mean this land can’t at least borrow its aesthetic.
Tomorrowland Speedway, sorry, you’re gone. This isn’t worth doing unless it’s Christmastime, and even then, it’s still just a shitty go-kart without the freedom of usual go-karts. You could have a whole-ass new ride there (maybe two!) and absolutely no one would miss these cars.
Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Cafe? Sorry, it’s now Sonny Eclipse’s Starlight Cafe, and it absolutely needs an update worthy of my favorite Tomorrowland character. This restaurant might be the most packed in all the park, and I wish there was more order to it, some semblance of sanity, rather than the screaming nightmare that it is today. And crank up those Sonny Eclipse tunes!
Space Mountain in Disneyland is a lot of fun. Space Mountain in Disney World makes me feel like I’m going to have to go to the chiropractor after I ride it. As much as I love Space Mountain (it was probably one of the first roller coasters I ever rode), it needs an update of some kind, because it’s rickety and rough in ways that aren’t entertaining anymore. As long as they keep the queue music, which is maybe my favorite park music of all-time, then I’m fun with changing this ride entirely.
Look, Epic Universe has proved that people love horror year-round, so I think it’s time that Tomorrowland brings back ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter. That building is still nothing after Stitch’s Great Escape!, and now that Disney owns Fox, there’s no reason they can’t redo this attraction, but with a xenomorph at the center. If kids could deal with going on the Nostromo on The Great Movie Ride, there’s no reason why they can’t suck it up and go on this. Let’s give it another shot, Disney!
Look, just because Tron movies are bad doesn’t mean Tomorrowland can’t have Tron-themed everything.
Finally, continuing my trend of loving the idea of specific rides getting their own lounges, I think it’s truly ridiculous that we don’t have a Tron lounge. As much as I am a Tron Lightcycle Run defender, it’s quite a trek to get to that ride, and once you get there, there’s nothing to do other than ride the ride and head on back. But there is so much empty space on that walk back, particularly near the bathrooms, that I think could really turn this area into a fantastic hub of Tron-themed greatness.
For one, we need the End of Line Club from Tron: Legacy. I want all the servers to look like weird-ass Michael Sheen in that movie, and I want them to be bombastic and absurd. Now, I doubt this next part would happen, but this is my fantasy, so I want Daft Punk animatronics. Much like Oga’s Cantina as DJ REX, I’d love a bar that has Daft Punk robots playing songs from the soundtrack. BUT to get into this arcade, I want people to have to enter from Flynn’s Arcade, which will be a full-on retro arcade, but guests have to get “derezzed” to enter the End of Line Club, which I imagine would essentially just be like traveling via Floo Powder in Epic Universe. But the vibe of Tron is so cool, and the ride is a nice burst of that, but I’d love a lounge where you can just soak in that style and relax for a bit before or after you ride the grid.
Make Sure Disney World Doesn’t Become a Nightmare Over the Next Decade
This, right here, is the biggest worry of all, considering everything that is changing at the Magic Kingdom in the next decade. Magic Kingdom can already get pretty nuts at times, and once we have Piston Peak and Villains Land completed, it’s likely going to be even worse. Just try walking around before a fireworks show if you want to see how nightmarish this park can be.
And to be fair, I don’t really have an answer for what will solve this as Magic Kingdom expands, but MK needs to improve its infrastructure as the park grows. I’m talking more space for people to go, more transportation once the park closes for the night, and more ways to handle large crowds trying to cram out of small exits. Right now, I think the park is manageable for what it is, but if they don’t make any other changes over the next few years to prepare for these expansions, it’s gonna get really bad.
As I said earlier, one of my favorite parts of this park is just walking around at night right before the park closes and getting to feel like I’m the only one in the most visited theme park in the world. There’s something truly special about a place so popular allowing for moments like that that feel like your own. I don’t want my entire day to be pushing through crowds and maneuvering around slow people. I want the beauty and calm that this park has to offer sometimes, and I think that means finding a better way to funnel its people throughout the park as it continues to offer more and will almost certainly see an influx of guests.
So, what would you do to improve Magic Kingdom? Let me know in the comments!